No One Aspires to Complacency.

As I sit here listening to the WFUV online radio stream and drinking my morning coffee, I am struck by how cool I thought those things were when I first considered them. When a friend sent me the link to the Public Radio station at Fordham University, I remember hearing the first sounds come over my speakers, and how I thought that it was such a great radio station. I felt like I had been clued in to something great, and no doubt I had been, but what I was so excited about has long since become routine.

Same thing goes for coffee. I remember in my previous life as an office worker, a fellow wage slave drank his coffee black, every day. I thought, "Damn, that is a hard man. If I drank black coffee, I would be just as cool." A zillion cups of black coffee later, I don't even think about it. I could go on and on; this pair of sneakers, that stereo component, this bookbag, that piece of furniture. Admittedly most of these things are simple material baubles. While I still look for new things to keep me excited about the prospect of routine daily living, I always seem to grow complacent with the things that I once thought would tilt the earth's axis in my favor. This isn't to say I don't enjoy these things, but simply that they don't garner as much attention from me as they did when they were new to me. They get incorporated into my daily rhythm and march in perfect time.

I wonder if I could meet a former version of myself, say from 10 years ago, would the "old" me be impressed with the "new" me? If I took the "old" me around, and showed him/me what my life was like today, would he/I say "Damn, you are one cool guy," or would he/I observe something different altogether? I'd like to think that he'd be impressed, cool radio stations and black coffee not withstanding.

Thoughts On The Game...

I was rattled this morning by an email sent by a friend with a picture attached of the Buffalo Sabres ice rink in HSBC (Hot Sauce Blue Cheese) Arena. Initially, I thought it was "photoshopped," because the ice was blue. After reading the caption "NHL experimenting with blue ice," I nearly reached for the cyanide pill I keep in my desk, but resisted. In addition, the blue lines are orange and the red line is blue. Sweet Jesus, I do believe this is something Dante described in the sixth or seventh circle of Hell.

I started poking around on the hockey boards, and it turns out the National Hockey League has a few other tricks up its sleeves for whenever it settles the current labor dispute. New uniform designs are on tap modeled on "a ski-racer's uniform, or even Spiderman's costume." These moves toward a "futuristic" game are as well-concieved as the "Fox Trax Glow Puck" from 1996, and are proof positive that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has become the Colonel Kurtz of the sports world, certifiably insane and destroying everything in his path. Where is Captain Willard when we need him most?

The better decision would be to go back to the past. The game's history can teach us lessons that focus groups of NASCAR fans simply cannot. Here's what I'd do if I were commissioner:

1) Ban helmets. Helmets are for pussies. Toe Blake didn't wear a helmet, and neither did Bobby Orr. Come to think of it, Ron Duguay didn't either, and my one and a half year old kid is tougher than Ron Duguay.

2) Lose the plexiglass, install chickenwire fencing, just like the old Cazenovia rink in South Buffalo.

3) Rule that permanent dental caps are illegal substances. Hockey players shouldn't have teeth.

4) Bring back Peter Puck, the character Hanna Barbera created for the NHL between 1973-1980 as a way to teach people about hockey during televised games. The "poke-check professor" was better at teaching people about hockey than Jim Belushi and his corny spots on ABC last year.

5) Mandate that goalies can only wear the number 1, or 30-35. Players cannot have numbers higher than 25. Enough with the signature numbers...that's one thing Gretzky did wrong.

6) No teams except for the Chicago Black Hawks can use the color combination of Red, Black and White. That goes for Buffalo...go back to the Blue and Gold. L.A. Kings, you're in the yellow and purple.

7) Teams have to shake hands after every game. It's a gentleman's sport, and no matter how much fighting occurs during the three periods, it gets left on the ice boys. To quote Don Cherry, "That's a lesson for you youngsters out there."

8) Bring back the old conference and division names. In the Wales Conference, there would be the Adams and Patrick divisions. In the Campbell Conference, the Smythe and Norris divisions. Of course Buffalo would be in the Adams division in the Wales conference, and everyone else would be in the pussy divisions that Buffalo would be in first place in if it wasn't in the toughest division in hockey, just like it used to be.

9) Mandate that only organ music can be played at hockey games. No "Welcome to the Jungle," no techno beats, no Phil Collins "Misunderstanding" after a penalty, no nothing except the Sabres' Dance, and whatever else the organ player knows if he's sober enough to play.

10) Bring back the rectangular goal crease AND ENFORCE IT!! (N.B.: This is personal venom from Brett Hull's overtime goal against the Sabres in the '99 Stanley Cup. His foot was in the crease, therefore, no goal).

I hear the NHL is thinking of eliminating the red line to allow for two-line passes and bringing back the shootout to end ties, so I didn't put those in my list. In the meantime, we have blue ice.

One Corporate Oligarch Down...

Word on the wire is that former Worldcom CEO Bernard Ebbers has been found guilty on all counts of conspiracy, securities fraud &c. Despite being paid millions of dollars for his services, Ebbers' defense was that he was completely ignorant of the financial scandals occuring under his watch. Today, he was told that ignorance is no excuse.

This bodes poorly for Kenneth Lay, whose self-pronounced "Elmer Fudd Defense" for his role in the Enron Collapse will soon be put to the same test Ebbers' was. L. Dennis Kozlowski of Tyco is also currently on trial for similar economic flim-flammery, and I hope the gavel slams down hard on both of them, as well as the pasty faceless corporate hitmen who helped to choreograph the economic gymnastics that cost so many their livelihood.

One corporate oligarch down, many more to go.

Tourism.

On Saturday morning, I'm leaving Northwest Ohio for the state of Florida to take full advantage of their tourism industry. I'm staying in a condo, and I'm going to go to restaraunts and play golf. I will contribute to the Floridian economy. In the process, I will read a book or two, take in the ocean view, and try not to leave too heavy a footprint. The exchange is mutually beneficial.

Vacations are great. I am ecstatic at the prospect of sitting on my ass and doing nothing for seven days straight. I'm no workaholic, and I find no merit in busting one's ass to the point of physical and mental breakdown when there are golf courses to humble us and restaraunts with free refills and desert menus. Americans should have more vacation time. Orations about "family values" have of late been coopted as a coded form of hate speech against homosexuals when the term is better applied to actually spending time with one's family. Goofing off, sleeping in, staying up late, eating at odd hours and wandering places you've never been together truly makes one value their family. I intend to do all these things for a week straight, and as much as possible when I return.

And I just might pick up a t-shirt before I leave.